Spank Me and Pull My Hair: How to Become a More Dominant Partner

There’s something hot about taking control during sex. It’s all about kicking (or should we say smacking?) ass and taking names.

The truth is, men are naturally more dominant in bed - usually. But what if your man is lacking in the confidence department? Are you dying to get spanked, tossed around, and manhandled? If so, you need to share this guide with your guy! If you’re a man reading this, listen up! Your woman wants her hair pulled. She wants to be restrained and tortured in the best way possible. It’s time to grow a set of balls and talk about how to become a dominant partner in bed.

Get ready to deliver the performance of your life!

Most Women Want an Alpha Male

As archaic as the idea might seem, it’s true. Women want a dominant, Alpha male. They want a guy who’s not afraid to take charge both in and out of the bedroom. It’s an animalistic trait that women just can’t fight. And we don’t want them too! This doesn’t mean that some women don’t prefer to be in the dominant role - there are plenty of dominant, badass women out there (we see you!) But if you’re a guy looking for a mate, the more dominant and confident you are, the more likely you are to not only attract the opposite sex but make her panties wet!

When you learn to take control during sex, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how confident and assertive you become in all aspects of life. Are you ready to find out how to become more dominant both in and out of the bedroom? Straighten your tie, grab your nuts, and let’s get into it!

The Proof is in the Pudding (Statistics)

Are you still not convinced that women want to be dominated? Here are just a few statistics for you to chew (suck) on:

⅔ of women like rough sex and want to be dominated in bed
65% of women have fantasies of being dominated
52% of women want to be tied up
36% of women want to be spanked
⅔ of women like rough sex and want to be dominated in bed

This means that your wife, girlfriend, or that hot librarian you’ve been eye-fucking are all secretly begging to be dominated. Now, the only question that remains is how to get the job done. When you learn how to be confident and more dominant in life, it easily transfers to the bedroom for more satisfying and intense sex sessions. By making small changes to your everyday behavior, you can transform your woman into a sex-hungry maniac who willingly surrenders herself to you.

Sound too good to be true? It’s not. Let’s cover some subtle changes that will make a BIG impact in the bedroom.

Knowing How to Become More Dominant is About Handling Your Business

Lesbian women want pussies and straight women want guys with a set of balls. If you want to command respect and portray a dominant, in-control man in the bedroom, you need to start by carrying yourself through life that way.

Despite the claim that all women want to be completely independent, females are naturally submissive and notoriously indecisive. They look to you to take charge and make a decision. Did you ever notice that your woman waits for you to pull out their chair, open their door, and pay the bill? Women are turned on by a man with a plan. That means you’re more likely to get laid if you take the initiative. And no, we don’t just mean making the first move. Your role as the more dominant partner starts long before you get her into bed.

For example, if you’re out to dinner, order her drink and meal for her. If she looks pleased and lets you command the situation, chances are she’ll respond well to your sexual dominance too. Not only do most women subconsciously want you to take charge, but it gets them wet when you do.

Be Confident

Confidence is key when being a more dominant partner. It's also sexy! Sometimes, it’s not what you say but how you say it. Your body language and the tone of your voice all work wonders for asserting your dominance and commanding a situation. Speak with authority and conviction. State facts and commands, don’t ask questions.

Simple things like saying, “I’ll be there at 6:30, be ready” or telling her what restaurant you’re eating at shows you’re not afraid to take the initiative. Trust us, she’ll thank you later (hopefully with sexual favors).

Start with Small Changes

If you’re struggling to have more dominant sex, you need patience. You won’t become an Alpha male overnight. In fact, taking things slow is best. Changing too much, too fast will not only send red flags to your girl but you may accidentally cross the line from assertive partner and asshole.

Start your journey toward male dominance by making small, subtle changes outside the bedroom first. Eye contact is powerful and often underrated too. Hold her gaze from across the room or after a long kiss. Nothing says “I’m going to devour you” quite like intense eye contact.

Small changes work best in the bedroom too. Gentle hair pulling is a fan favorite, just be sure to do it right so it’s kinky, not painful. Run your hand through her hair, with your palm flat against her scalp. Gather her hair at the roots and give a firm tug. Don’t pull too fast or near the ends. A firm grasp on her hair is a primal, masculine gesture that says, “I’ve got you and I want you.”

Ask for Sex with Conviction

Never, and we mean NEVER, beg for sex. This screams pathetic, not assertive. Avoid phrases like, “Can I have sex with you?” Not only does this sound desperate but it shows that you’re not confident and unsure if she actually wants to have sex with you. This approach also puts you in the submissive role, which is the opposite of what she really wants.

Instead, try something like this - “Are you ready to get fucked?” You’re still asking for permission but in a much more dominant (and HOT) way. There’s no confusion about what you want and what you plan to do to her. But we can’t discuss being more dominant during sex without discussing the gray area of respecting each other’s boundaries.

Which brings us to our next point…

Be More Dominant While Also Respecting Her Feelings

No matter what your goal is, no means no. Being more dominant in bed doesn’t give you the right to do or say whatever you want or force yourself on your partner. It’s about commanding respect not taking what you want and that means respecting your partner’s boundaries.

Although it might seem like a buzzkill, you should talk about certain things before getting down to business. No, you don’t need to ask before pulling out her chair at dinner but you should get the green light before pulling her head down for a blow job and calling her a “dirty whore” (yes, some women like that). Remember, your objective is to arouse not offend her.

How to Dominate with Dirty Talk

Words are powerful - especially during sex. Now, there’s traditional dirty talk (That feels amazing. I’m about to come. You’re so hot.) and then there’s dirty talk that will help you become the dominant partner you and your woman have been fantasizing about.

First, think about your partner’s sexual openness and personality. Some women would love to be called a nasty slut and slapped in the ass while doing laundry while others might slap you instead (and not in a good way). Other women don’t mind hardcore dirty talk but are more receptive during the act. Know your audience and proceed accordingly.

Why not test the waters while she’s going down on you? There’s nothing more submissive than a female between your legs with her mouth on your cock. Avoid being overly enthusiastic by moaning uncontrollably or coming within seconds (not hot OR manly). Show your woman that you’re in control by controlling your pleasure. Instead, tell her what she’s doing that you like or instruct her on how to switch things up.

“I love when you suck my balls like that” or “Lick the tip” are good starters.

If this isn’t your first rodeo with your lady, you can get a little more graphic with things like, “Suck my cock you dirty slut” or “How does my dick taste in your mouth?”

Pet names are another great way to command the situation and exert your dominance, and no we aren’t talking about calling your woman “sweetheart” or “doll”. Remember, you’re running the show here and she’s just along for the ride. Even if you don’t really feel that way, it’s the persona you want to portray.

The only way to find out what your woman likes is to try. Start off mild by calling her a slut or bitch (ok, so it’s not THAT mild but ya gotta start somewhere). Believe it or not, being demeaned in bed is a huge turn-on for a lot of women. Remember, timing is everything. This isn’t dinner talk and should be reserved strictly for the bedroom when the time is right. If she doesn’t react well to these vulgar terms, stick with possessive terms like “my baby” or submissive ones like “little girl”. Both of these reaffirm your dominant role without offending her. You can also tell her to affectionately call you “daddy” or “sir”.

More Dominant Dirty Talk Suggestions

Dirty talk takes on a whole new meaning when you’re trying to achieve true male dominance. It’s more than just saying things like, “I like that” or “Right there”. It’s about the words you use, how you use them, and when. When delivered properly, dirty talk can shift the entire dynamic and power structure in your favor.

Here are a few of our favorite ways to command respect and exert your masculinity during sex.

Call Her a Bad Girl

“I know what you’re thinking, you dirty little slut.”

“You know what wearing that dress does to me. You’re so bad.”

“You’re a naughty girl, aren’t you?”

Tell Her What She’s Doing is Naughty

“We shouldn’t be doing this…”

“I want to taste you (eat you, fuck you) right here and now, but that would be wrong.”

“You smell so fucking good. No, we can’t do this right now… but your skin is so smooth…”

Show Her Who’s Boss

“That pussy is mine.”

“Your ass belongs to me.”

“Surrender yourself to me. Let go, I’ve got you.”

Tell Her What She Likes

“You like getting fucked by this dick.”

“You love sucking cock you dirty whore.”

“You like that, don’t you?”

The best part about dirty talk is that you can adjust it any way you like. Make it milder for first-time encounters or kinkier if your partner is hardcore. Switch things up by using different names for body parts, personalizing the experience, and graduating to more aggressive phrases. You want to be dominant but complimentary. An inherent risk of exerting your male dominance is crossing the line. If you go too far, too fast you might accidentally offend her and find yourself begging for forgiveness -- which is the opposite of being a strong, Alpha male.

Cuddling is for Real Men

This pointer might surprise you, but it’s true. Real, Alpha men don’t roll over and fall asleep after sex. Your work as the dominant male partner isn’t over once you climax. After you fuck her into submission, you need to put in some cuddle time. Hold her, caress her bare skin, and ask her how she’s feeling. Invite her to rest her head on your chest or snuggle up beside you.

Did you know that there’s actually a right and wrong way to cuddle your partner if you want to maintain your dominant role?

Try taking the king’s position (because you are the king, after all). Lie on your back and let your girl curl her body around you. Even if you’re slightly uncomfortable, make sure she’s completely relaxed and at ease. Most women will instinctively crawl up next to you, place their head on your chest, and drape their arm over your torso.

This reinforces the fact that you’re her source of protection and comfort. Let her relish in the amazing orgasm you just gave her. Your bodies were made for this position. She’s petite and submissive and you’re strong and dominant. Try inviting her to your side of the bed by saying, “Come here, my queen”. This is the perfect way to show her that you respect her but that you’re still in charge. Snuggling after sex reaffirms your dominance but also increases intimacy.

Be the More Dominant Partner Your Woman Didn’t Know She Needed

Your woman may not even realize she wants to be dominated - which is why you need to show her! There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to being a more dominant partner but with a little insight (and this guide) you’re well on your way to being the confident man your woman needs. Remember, being an Alpha male starts with commanding respect both in and outside the bedroom. Carry yourself with confidence and before you know it, your woman will begging for you to tease, please, and dominate her like the naughty girl she is!

April Sutphen