Gay Bottom Sex: What It Is, How It's Done, and Tips for Coming Out on Top (Pun Intended)
They say it’s better to give than receive, but some gay guys would disagree. Do you get off on being a bottom or maybe you’re just curious about how it works and what it feels like? We’re here to give you the low down on going down low, from debunking myths and shattering stereotypes to offering tips for safe and enjoyable gay bottom sex.
So, tighten your ass muscles, grab your douche and lube, and let’s explore backdoor penetration from the bottom, up!
What Does It Mean to Be a Gay Bottom?
Although we tend to reject stereotypes and labels, there are certain sex positions that simply are what they are by definition. Being a gay bottom simply means that you’re on the receiving end of anal sex (the catcher, if you will). The pitcher (or top) is the one doing the penetrating.
Like most sexual partnerships, some people prefer one role or position over another. More aggressive partners often take the lead while the more passive partner goes with the flow. When it comes to gay bottom sex, there are a few different scenarios to consider. There are also several myths surrounding bottom gays that are worth addressing.
Bottom Gays Are More Feminine
The most common stereotype about gay bottoms is that they’re feminine, skinny boys with minimal body hair - aka Twinks. Do some gay bottoms fit this description? Sure. Fem boys are a huge turn on for a lot of gay men because they fit the role of a more feminine partner. Some Twinks take things one step further by cross-dressing to fully embody their femininity.
Not all gay bottoms fit this stereotype, though. Plenty others are muscular, beefy, butch guys (Bears) that love getting fucked in the ass just as much as the next guy. And why not? One of the most sensitive erogenous zones on a guy (hello, prostate!) is actually found inside the anal canal and nothing stimulates it quite like penetration. If you haven’t tried it, we highly recommend it.
The Gay Bottom is the Submissive Role
This is a popular belief, but actually, it’s not entirely true. Just because you’re on the receiving end of the fucking doesn’t mean you can’t be an active participant in the festivities. No one likes having sex with a limp noodle (literally). Don’t just lay (or kneel) there. Get involved! Push back on your man’s tool. Talk dirty to him and always communicate about how you’re feeling (more on this in a bit). There are plenty of power bottoms out there who get-off on controlling the action from every angle and position.
Exert your dominant role by getting on top or riding your guy. Yes, we know, this sounds like the opposite of what a gay bottom should be doing, but really, being a bottom is more about getting fucked than physically being under your partner. In fact, riding your guy while he fucks you in the ass is one of the best ways to control the depth, intensity, and speed of the experience. This puts you in control, even as the receiver.
Role Reversal Rarely Happens
This is simply not true. Similar to the stereotype that gay bottoms have to be more feminine than their top counterparts, role reversal is very common. But, it’s worth mentioning that there are men who have a negative view of being a bottom. Some are worried that it’ll hurt too much (it can), that they’ll poop (you might), or that they’re not really gay if they don’t take it in the ass (you may want to see a therapist about this last one). Either way, just because you’ve never been a bottom or tend to give rather than receive doesn’t mean you can’t take a ride on the other side.
Tips On How to Be a Bottom
Now that you’re convinced to take it like a man from a man), let’s talk about how to be a bottom.
Be Realistic
Being a gay bottom can be a dirty job -- literally. The fear that you might poop on your partner or he may pull out to find more than he bargained for is just a reality of anal sex. Both partners should be aware of this and willing to handle it like grown adults vs. squeamish schoolgirls.
There’s also the question of whether or not it’ll hurt. The truth is, at first, it will. But the light at the end of the tunnel (or should we say anal canal?), is that over time, you’ll learn how to receive anal sex comfortably. And before you know it, you’ll actually enjoy it and get off on it.
But, practice (and anal stretching) makes perfect. Your ass muscles won’t know what’s happening the first time you penetrate yourself with a dick, dildo, or even a finger. Your sphincter muscle will naturally tighten up, making it nearly impossible to break the barrier. You have to breathe, relax, and learn how to receive anal penetration so that your ass welcomes the sensation instead of rejecting it.
Prepare
Another way to prep for being a bottom is to clean yourself in the shower or by using an enema. Yes, we know this isn’t exactly sexy but taking care of business now means much less clean-up (and embarrassment) down the road. There are several ways to clean out both your system and your rectum before being a gay bottom.
Diet is important. High fiber foods help regulate your digestive system and “clean you out” prior to anal sex. Just avoid eating these foods (or anything spicy or fried) the day of or prior to your sex session. Instead, cleanse your system in the days leading up and eat more binding foods that day. Things like bananas, rice, and peanut butter can prevent you from having a bowel moment at an inopportune time.
Anal douches let you clean out your system easily and safely. You can also use warm water and a shower attachment if it’s more convenient.
Choose the Right Technique and Tools for Anal Stretching
Easing into being a good bottom starts with the right techniques and tools. Silicone or anal lubricant is a MUST. Your ass isn’t self-lubricating. You need to use a thick lube on both yourself and your guy (or toy). A little doesn’t go a long way in this situation. Don’t be afraid to load up on lube. Place some on the head of your guy’s dick or toy and penetrate until you feel resistance. Have him pull out, apply more lube, and repeat the process. Your ultimate goal is to insert lube up into the entire anal canal, not just the tip. By penetrating and pulling out, liberally adding lube each time, you should successfully lubricate both your rectum and his dick for a smooth, enjoyable ride.
As tempting as it may be, avoid using an anal numbing cream. This can actually be quite dangerous since listening to your body’s cues of pain or discomfort is the first sign that you’re pushing too far and may need a break. Another sign is if you see red. Although this goes without saying, blood is bad and probably a sign that you’ve torn a part of your rectal lining. In this case, stop immediately and seek medical attention if necessary.
It may also be tempting to purchase an oversized dildo that was designed after your favorite porn store. While the giant head and bulging veins might be a huge turn on, it’s likely not something you want to shove up your ass (at least not with plenty of stretching over time). Not only could you do damage, but the ridges and textures of some dildos may be abrasive and uncomfortable. Opt for smooth dildos and massagers instead.
Breathing techniques are for more than just panic attacks and labor pains. There’s actually a certain way to breathe and contract and release your muscles during anal penetration. Similar to Kegel exercises for women, guys can perform muscle clenching and release to better prepare for taking it in the butt. Tighten and release your sphincter muscle while driving to work, in the shower, or at the gym (extra squats can help, too!). This will come in handy once it’s time to receive your guy. When the tip of his cock enters you, push out your sphincter muscle, tightening and releasing it. Each time you do this, your partner’s tool will slide a little farther inside you. Breathe through the discomfort on the road to unmatched pleasure.
Open Your Mouth
No, we’re not talking about oral sex (although that’s always fun, too). We mean you need to communicate with your partner during the entire experience. Whether it’s your first time being a gay bottom or you’ve done it 100 times, your guy isn’t a mind reader. You need to tell him if what he’s doing feels good, hurts, or if you want to change position. If nothing else, staying quiet during sex is boring AF. When it comes to being a gay bottom, a lack of communication can actually be dangerous. Other than feeling resistance, your man won’t know if your cries are ones of pleasure or pain, so speak up!
Get Tested Often
Regular STD tests are important for anyone who is sexually active but are especially crucial for being a gay bottom. Men who receive anal penetration are at the highest risk for contracting STDs including HIV. That’s because (as we already mentioned), the lining of the rectum is thin and can tear easily. When it does, it allows outside bacteria in, which can be very dangerous. Knowing that both you and your partner are healthy and safe makes for uninhibited, wild, no-holds-bar sex. Yes, please!
Get Ready to Explore Your Backdoor
There you have it. The ins and outs (literally) of gay bottom sex. Shatter stereotypes of what a gay bottom is or isn’t. Go into this sexual experience like you would any other -- with an open mind, open legs, and plenty of lube!
