First Time Fisting: What to Expect and How It's Done

They say two heads are better than one (and our double dildos are proof of this!) But what about when it comes to penetration and fingering? Are three fingers better than two? What about the entire hand? That’s right, fisting is a popular fetish among both gay and straight kinksters. Maybe you’ve upgraded to an XL dildo but never thought about how big your hole could actually get. Or perhaps you’ve experimented with your own hand and are slowly stretching your body to the max, but want some tips for a successful fisting experience.

Wherever you fall on the sexual spectrum, we’re here to help! So, grab your gloves, your enema, and PLENTY of lube, and let’s find out what all the fisting fuss is about!

Fisting involves penetrating your partner either anally or vaginally using a balled-up, fist. It takes practice, skill, and plenty of preparation.

Think of fisting as an extreme sport -- it’s risky, thrilling, and takes training. That’s right. You have to train your body to accept an entire fist (and sometimes forearm to the elbow for experienced kinksters). If the thought of this makes you wince in pain, you’re not alone. Wrapping your mind around the idea of taking an entire fist into your body is a lot to absorb (pun intended). And like any other unconventional kink, fisting isn’t for anyone.

But, if you’ve decided that this sex act is worth exploring or, at least, investigating further, we’re with you!

Anal Fisting vs. Vaginal Fisting

Aside from the obvious differences, different rules apply when fisting different parts of the body.

First of all, anal fisting is fun for everyone! Gay, straight, man, woman, binary, it doesn’t matter. They say opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, and “they” would be right. Everyone does have an asshole, which is why anal fisting is popular among all genders and sexual orientations. The anal canal is packed with thousands of nerve endings that love to be stroked, rubbed, and stimulated. Guys have an extra erogenous zone buried inside their bum -- the prostate gland -- which makes anal fisting an especially popular gay fetish.

Unlike the female vagina, the anus isn’t self-lubricating and it’s not exactly designed to stretch easily, which means anal fisting requires plenty of practice, prep, and lube. The female vagina, on the other hand (no pun intended), is meant to stretch and expand thanks to childbirth. That makes vaginal fisting slightly easier and more comfortable. But regardless of which hole you’re stuffing, many of the same rules apply.

Fisting 101: Tips for Beginners

Here are a few tips for easing into so that it’s not only comfortable but actually enjoyable!

Start Slow and Small

Since we’re discussing tips, let’s start with just the tip -- of your finger. Like any type of anal play or penetration, it’s all about progression. No good will come out of bending your partner over and trying to forcefully shove your entire hand up their butt. Ouch! In fact, this is dangerous, impossible, and just plain wrong. Don’t do it!

Start with a finger (or two), some nice, thick lube, and some of your favorite sex toys. Butt plugs and anal beads are great for beginners. You can also invest in an anal stretching kit that lets you gradually widen the anal canal in preparation for bigger objects (like your hand). This slow progression not only preps your anal canal and sphincter muscles but it also helps you get comfortable and familiar with the feeling of having something larger than normal inserted into your bum. Embrace it, breathe, and get accustomed to the sensation.

Fun fact: Invest in sex toys (butt plugs, beads, dildos) that have a smooth surface. Ditch the realistic dildos with veins and sculpted heads (at least for this sexual activity). The smoother, the better.

Lube, Lube, and More Lube

This goes without saying when it comes to anal play of any kind but we’re going to say it anyway. You need lube and LOTS of it for anal fisting. In fact, do some research and find the best lube for fisting (yes, they’re out there). Some are thick while others are runnier. It’s really about personal preference but some have added ingredients that reduce irritation and inflammation. Lube is important for vaginal fisting as well but it’s a MUST when exploring your backdoor.

Take an Anatomy Lesson

Safe sex is the only option, which is why you need a quick anatomy lesson before you start pushing your body to its physical limits (which fisting most certainly does).

Let’s start with anal fisting. We already discussed the prostate gland for guys, which is located about 2 inches inside the rectum on the upper wall and feels like a walnut. You definitely want to make a pit stop here on your way by! But bear in mind that the rectum is only 4 cm in length. The average hand is 9 cm and a fist is 10 cm, not counting girth. These figures aren’t meant to alarm, simply inform.

The walls of the anal canal are also thin, which is why you need to be careful when experimenting with any type of anal penetration. Go slow, listen to your body (and your partner), and use plenty of lube. Remember, anal fisting is all about progression and you may not get it on the first, second, or even fifth try! Be patient and let your body’s cues lead the way.

Vaginal fisting is similar and also takes time. An added bonus for the ladies is more flexibility in the vaginal walls and increased natural lubrication. Start off with several fingers, followed by larger dildos and toys (the smooth variety works best here, too), before graduating to fab 5 (fingers).

Talk Dirty

No, we aren’t talking about whispering raunchy things in your partner’s ear during foreplay and sex (although we highly recommend it). When it comes to anal fisting, you have to talk about the elephant in the room -- that things might get messy. We don’t need to discuss every dirty detail, but let’s just say that number 2 is the number 1 concern for most people when discussing backdoor play. There are a few things you can do to avoid an unexpected and unwanted release during anal fisting.

The most popular method is performing an enema or at least cleaning out your system beforehand. Avoid eating spicy or greasy foods a few days prior to the event. Take a nice hot shower or calming bath until you feel clean. No matter how much prep you do, shit happens -- literally. Prepare yourself (and your bed) by laying down a towel or investing in rubber sheets (these are just plain fun anyway!)

You should also invest in a pair of gloves. Opt for nitrile over latex to avoid any potential allergic reactions. Yes, gloves help protect the giver from getting too dirty, but more importantly, they protect the receiver. Our hands are filled with potential dangers including bacteria, hangnails, and cuts. Gloves act as a much-needed barrier between you and your partner (think of it as a condom for your fist).

Shape and Size Matter

Try telling someone prepping for a fisting session that size doesn’t matter and they’ll likely laugh in your face. While the size of the object being slid into your canal clearly matters, it’s the shape of the hand and fist that you should be most concerned with.

Despite what the name suggests, fisting doesn’t involve a one-two punch -- or a balled-up fist -- at least not to start. Instead, imagine pulling your fingertips together and forming a cone-shape with your hand -- thinner at the top and then tapering down to the palm and wrist. Think of a butt plug, but bigger. This shape makes it much easier to insert comfortably and safely. Once the receiver gets used to the sensation, the giver can begin slowly opening and closing their fingers until they successfully form a fist. Over time (and plenty of attempts), the giver can actually maintain a fist and thrust in and out of their partner.

PS - This technique works for vaginal fisting as well.

Fisting Fun Facts

In addition to tips on how fisting is done, we thought we’d share some interesting tidbits about this popular fetish that you may or may not know. Whether you plan to try it, are on the fence, or are just completely fascinated by it, here are a few more facts to blow your mind (and help you blow your load).

Some people try fisting simply for bragging rights. Have you ever done something just to say you’ve done it? Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end, fisting might be a one-and-done experience for you. But don’t be surprised if your accolades are met with mixed reactions. While some people are fascinated and aroused by fisting, while others are repulsed by it. (Which is even more reason not to try it for anyone other than yourself.)
Like with most kinks and fetishes, there’s a community of fisters who know a thing or two about it. Tap into their expertise before taking the dive. In fact, they’ll probably be more than happy to discuss their adventures and offer tips and advice. (Bragging rights, remember?)
The orgasm you’ll achieve from fisting isn’t quite like anything you’ve probably ever experienced before -- and that goes for both the giver and the receiver. Hold on and get ready for an animalistic, heart pumping, body-shaking release. Some people describe it as both “beautiful and frightening”.
While fisting pushes you to your physical limits, it’s also a mental game. You need to completely surrender yourself to both the idea of accepting an entire hand while also relaxing enough to actually let it happen. Meditation and plenty of mental build-up will help you get the most out of the experience.

Put Your Best Fist Forward

Whether you’re exploring anal or vaginal fisting, the experience is a favorite of hardcore kinksters who get-off on pushing their limits. In fact, there’s an entire community dedicated to the joy and wonder of fisting. As with any new sex act, you have to start at the beginning. Embrace every step of the process. For some people, this is the best part of the journey and one you’ll never have again.