Bondage for Beginners: Skirting the Line Between Pleasure and Pain
Does the kinkier side of life excite you? If being handcuffed, blindfolded, and tied up sounds like your idea of a fun Friday night, bondage may be the perfect sexual adventure for you. Some people hear “bondage” and get immediately freaked out. Take a deep breath, untwist your panties, and keep reading.
The truth is, bondage comes in all forms from mild role-playing to more intense techniques for experienced kinksters. Whether you’re new to the bondage game or want to take things to the next level, this article’s for you. Here we’ll explore some bondage tips for beginners that’ll set you on the dark and naughty path to BDSM play.
BONDAGE VS. BDSM
A lot of people use the words “bondage” and BDSM interchangeably when really, one is a subset of the other. Bondage represents the “B” in BDSM. The entire acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
Intense BDSM role-playing games and scenarios are, well, intense. Think BDSM hurts? You’re not wrong. Most kinksters actually get-off on skirting the line between pleasure and pain. Some couples even adopt the dominant-submissive role in all aspects of life -- not just the bedroom. BDSM is more of a lifestyle than a one-time sexual adventure.
Bondage is more playful and relaxed. Anyone can handcuff their partner to the bed, blindfold them and pour hot massage oil over their bodies without engaging in any dark or sinister play. One step up from bondage is discipline. This might involve spanking your partner, tugging their hair, and using sexual commands. This covers the first few letters of BDSM, but once you delve into sadism and masochism, you’re entering an entirely different, darker world of sex play.
WHY IS BONDAGE A TURN ON?
So, why do we get-off on the idea of being blindfolded, spanked, restrained, and manhandled?
While there’s no one, right answer, we can venture to guess that the mere idea of being at your partner’s complete sexual mercy is plain hot. Does it really get any better than being restrained spread eagle to the bed while your lover has their way with you? You’re in a state of complete vulnerability. Your partner’s wish is your command. They can have their way with you and there’s not much you can do about it. Every time you try to pull free, not only does it turn them on to watch you struggle but you experience an adrenaline rush. The idea of being “trapped” is an exhilarating mix of fear and arousal.
Science also plays a role in why bondage is such a turn-on. When you’re blindfolded or restrained, some of your senses are compromised causing your other senses to be heightened. This increases your awareness and your pleasure.
You have five senses: touch, smell, sound, sight, and taste. When you’re blindfolded, you lose your sense of sight. Now, every touch feels more intense and every sound is more intoxicating. The same goes for being restrained. You’ve lost your sense of touch, so now, the taste of your lover’s tongue (and other things) is sweeter and their moans and whimpers electrify your body.
BONDAGE FOR BEGINNERS
Are you ready to dip your toe in the pool of kinky sex play? Come on in, the water’s great!
There’s also plenty of mild bondage techniques and accessories to help you ease into things. You don’t have to dive face-first into BDSM. First things first -- assess your comfort level. If the idea of being blindfolded freaks you out, start with fuzzy, unintimidating handcuffs. If you enjoy a good slap in the ass (don’t we all?), incorporate a paddle or whip for some variety. Just make sure you and your sex partner are on the same page so you can enjoy clean, safe, fun. Here are a few tips for doing just that.
DISCUSS BOTH OF YOUR INTERESTS AND BOUNDARIES
When it comes to exploring a new form of sex play, it’s important to communicate and respect one another’s boundaries. Try a few, mild toys and see how you both react. Maybe you enjoy things rougher than your partner. That’s fine! Let them tickle you with a feather crop while you whip them. You may prefer a blindfold whereas a ball gag is more their speed. You won’t know until you try it so invest in a beginner’s bondage kit and experiment with different toys, positions, and scenarios. Some couples choose a safe word that both people can use if things start to go a little too far, too fast.
TRUST AND COMMUNICATION ARE KEY
Trust and communication are two important elements in any healthy relationship, but they’re especially important when you’re pushing the envelope in the bedroom. Bondage is a risky sex game that requires complete trust and honesty. When you let your partner tie you up, restrain you, or blindfold you, you’re relinquishing complete control. You’re at their mercy. This can only be done with someone you completely and fully trust.
If you’re engaging in role-play, a safe word is a must. There are countless hot and steamy role-playing scenarios from cop and prisoner to CEO and naughty secretary or the classic naughty nurse and doctor. When sex play involves pretending to be someone you’re not, the lines of communication can get blurred. Make sure you’re clear about your intentions and your boundaries.
The same goes for spanking, hair pulling, or demeaning talk. Did things suddenly shift from fun to fearful? Did that spanking feel good at first but now it hurts? Speak up! This is equally important when it comes to restraints and “struggling” to break free. A little tugging on the ropes and handcuffs is normal and a natural reaction to being held down. On the other hand, if the submissive partner looks alarmed or begins to panic over being secured, release them immediately.
One way to avoid this is by being clear about what you’re doing and when. Don’t worry, it won’t kill the mood. In fact, it might make things even hotter. Try something like, “I’m going to blindfold you now”, or “Do you want me to spank you harder?”
START WITH THE BASICS
Not sure where to start?
There are some staple items that every good bondage kit should have. Two of the most unintimidating accessories for beginners are handcuffs and blindfolds. They’re easy to use and easy to remove. Blindfolds are available in a variety of styles and are designed to be both sexy and comfortable. When it comes to cuffs, opt for traditional fake metal or fuzzy ones. Soft and silky wrist restraints with Velcro closures are another popular and comfortable choice.
Once you’ve got a handle on these beginner props, upgrade your game. Try nipple and pussy clamps, ankle restraints, whips, or a leash and collar. Both you and your partner will also need an open mind. Experimenting is half the fun so don’t rush the process. Pay close attention to what makes your lover squirm, wiggle, and beg for more. Once you uncover your likes and dislikes, you can move onto other BDSM practices.
ORGASM CONTROL
Another reason people love bondage and kink play is that it offers an element of control. The partner who takes the dominant role is in control of the submissive’s behavior and their pleasure. They get high and aroused on their newfound power. But did you know that you can control more than just your partner’s movements by handcuffing or restraining them? With a little practice, you can actually control their orgasms -- when they climax, how many times, and how intense.
Orgasm control, also known as edging, is the process of bringing your partner (or yourself) to the brink of orgasm without finishing. Every time you get close to finishing without actually releasing, the more intense the actual orgasm will be. Having a restrained and blindfolded partner is the perfect situation for practicing orgasm control. Now, you can tease and please them without resistance (as long as they’re a willing partner). Try different techniques and see how they react. Bring them close to the edge and then slow or change your movements. How will you know when they’re close to coming? Quick, heavy breaths and yanking on the restraints are all pretty clear signs that they like what you’re doing! Keep bringing them to the edge and back until they beg for mercy (and release).
HEAT THINGS UP WITH MASSAGE OIL AND CANDLES
Are you or your lover struggling to relax? Nothing gets you in the mood for sex more than a sensual massage. Help your partner ease into the idea of kinky sex play by giving them a nice, soothing massage. Warm oils work wonders. Candles are another great way to set the mood. Want to combine a relaxing massage and kinky sex play? Try candles that burn into a warming oil that mimics hot wax. (Leave the real stuff for anyone into sadism or masochism.)
Remember those senses we talked about earlier? If your partner’s blindfolded, try dripping hot massage oil on their belly, nipples, or legs. This sensation will get them super aroused super fast. Watch them wiggle, bite their lip, and thrust their hips upwards as their body instinctively begs for more.
WHAT SHOULD A BEGINNER BONDAGE KIT INCLUDE?
Are you eager and ready to experiment with bondage? Instead of ordering one piece at a time, invest in a beginners bondage kit that includes all the necessities. Here’s a sneak peek at what should be inside.
ROPES, RESTRAINTS, OR HANDCUFFS
Tying your partner up is bondage 101. Whether you choose traditional handcuffs or more flexible ropes and restraints, you need something to keep your sex slave in place. Restraints are available for both wrists and ankles. Try full-bed restraints which conveniently tuck under the headboard and mattress.
Use rope to tie your lover to the bed, chair, or nearby furniture. You can also experiment with hogties and other mild bondage positions.
BLINDFOLD
Blindfolds are another classic bondage accessory made even more popular in recent years by the Fifty Shades of Grey series. You may have even used a blindfold before and never thought of it as a bondage accessory.
Blindfolds come in a variety of designs and materials from tough leather to smooth silk. Keep your partner in the dark as you explore their body and hidden erogenous zones.
TICKLER, CROP, WHIP, OR PADDLE
Who knew there were so many ways to give your partner a good spanking? Depending on your comfort level and pain tolerance, opt for a tickler to start. These soft and mild bondage items are used mostly to do what the name suggests -- tickle your partner's neck, earlobes, nipples, and inner thighs.
Crops and whips are a bit more aggressive and perfect for a quick, fast sting on the ass (or other places). Paddles deliver a firmer, more widespread smack. Try a few different levels of pressure to see what gets your motor running!
COLLARS
No, we aren’t talking about a traditional dog collar (although some people enjoy using a collar and leash for intense dominant-submissive play). Beginner bondage kits usually offer a sexy collar that mimics a choker necklace. These collars are both stylish and sexy and are a perfect compliment to most costumes and lingerie sets.
COSTUMES AND LINGERIE
Speaking of costumes and lingerie, what better way to role-play and embody a kinkier version of yourself than by dressing up during sex? Costumes come in a variety of characters to fulfill all your naughty fantasies. From a sexy school girl to a dirty cop, you can pretend to be whoever you want.
Lingerie is a classic choice that suits all comfort levels. Try a conservative teddy or camisole for a more innocent look or go to the extreme with crotchless panties or a leather harness.
HAVE FUN EXPLORING BONDAGE FOR BEGINNERS
Don’t let your preconceived notions of bondage intimidate you. The truth is, you may have engaged in mild bondage without even knowing it. Handcuffing your partner to the headboard or sliding a blindfold on before going down for oral sex are both beginner techniques.
Now that you have a deeper understanding of what bondage is and how to safely explore this kinky world of sex play, you can fun experimenting with a willing partner. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open. All you need now is an open mind and open legs!
